Purity of Heart

   The burden of our past can be a heavy one. We have all stumbled in some way, "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God," Romans 3:23. At times we can feel overwhelmed by the weight of our inequities and failures, as if we could never be saved or forgiven, as if we are defined by our pasts. I think one area the enemy loves to exploit and that burdens us in a way other sins don't is the topic of purity. Some questions that I have heard others ask and that I have asked as well include, "What does purity mean? What does that look like in my life? What if my purity has been diminished?"

   God has been working on my heart this week through the Revive our Hearts series "God's Beautiful Design for Women." Nancy Demoss Wolgemuth has been walking through Titus 2, and even has a book titled "Adorned" on the same topic, which is also changing my life. I actually cried on the bus at school while reading the description of her wedding (taking place at age 57). I'm really emotional, but I'd like to think that the beauty of the Gospel so exemplified would make anyone cry. Anyway, I digress. Part of Titus 2 is a charge to older women to teach the younger women, to teach them to love their husbands and their children, to be pure.

   As a younger, single woman, this series has encouraged me and convicted me. I realized that purity is about so much more than whether or not you are a virgin. Nancy asks this question, "Does my level of purity extend through and through -- my heart, my mind, my thoughts, my motives, my words, my actions, my relationships?" Ephesians 5 gives us even more clarity, I highly suggest you go and read the entire passage. But for now I want to focus in on verses 1-4 and verse 7, "Therefore be imitators of God as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. . ." Paul goes on to say, "Therefore do not become partners with them [sons of disobedience], for at one time you were darkness but now you are light in the Lord."

   There is nothing uncertain or unclear about what Paul is warning here. We are meant to be light, to be set apart from the world, taking no part in it, exposing the "unfruitful works of darkness." I read that passage again and I feel little pangs of conviction. Oof. Last semester, as I've mentioned in previous posts, was difficult for me. Following the end of a three year relationship, I felt like a failure. I had been so certain that I had found my future husband. It was an idol for me, a source of pride. As event after event sucker punched me, I felt a loss of my identity. I felt separated from my community, my family, my loved ones. I felt torn, seeking my savior, using the very words I shared with others to minister to myself. But at the same time I felt pulled by the world. In the midst of the turmoil, I turned 21. I was unsure what that meant, I'd never touched alcohol before, and a whole new world was before me. I stumbled, trying to help others in my life struggling the same as me. I think of the analogy of standing on a chair: I see others on the ground, and attempt to pull them up on the chair with me, but the result is less than optimal, and I fall with them.

     I am a broken and sinful human. I have stumbled, I've strayed, I've lost sight of my identity and purpose. I listen to the song by Flame (and NF) titled "Start Over." "I can carry the past on my shoulders, or I could start over. . . I know you feelin' regret, like I brought this all on myself, like I messed up big this time and don't deserve God's help." Yet God is so faithful through it all. He didn't abandon me. He has blessed me in ways I couldn't have imagined even a few months ago. This doesn't give me license to run away again, but it does grant me freedom from my past. Jesus did not come for the righteous but for the sinners, he came to set the prisoners free.

    Don't ever let the enemy deceive you into believing you are unloveable or unable to be saved. Don't think that you have to be clean to come to the altar, that's like working outside in the mud and refusing to take a shower because you are a dirty. Stop limiting the power of the gospel and the blood of Jesus by thinking your past is too big or too dark.

   So what next? God is continuously making me new, he took my heart of stone and gave me one of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). I decided to purchase a purity ring, to remind me of the work God is doing in me, that He is not done with me yet. "And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ," (Philippians 1:6). I am reminded that living things grow, that I may not be perfect, but I am not who I was 10 years ago, or even 6 months ago (thank the Lord for his grace and faithfulness!). The journey with God is a long one, but not one to be taken alone. Lean into your community, allow them to speak truth into your life, to convict and encourage you in your walk. And finally keep in mind some encouragement from Louie Giglio that Romans 3:23 does not end in a period but in a comma. The next verse goes on to say, "AND are justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus." Your story is not over yet! Have faith in your savior to sanctify you and bring a work to completion within you!