Dear Bachelor

  I admit it, every Monday I sit down with my roommates and watch The Bachelor. I'm not going to shame anyone for watching it; but I think we can be honest with ourselves and each other. What does it say about us that this is entertainment? That love is literally nothing but a game? That's not what I want, not for myself, for my friends, or my family. It's heartbreaking. These girls and guys are seeking satisfaction from something/someone who can never give it to them. I can't help but ponder Raven's words after Nick sent her home:

  "He was everything I want, but it still wasn't enough. What could I do differently? Is it just that no one can feel that way about me? I wish more than anything I could just find love, but I don't know if it's even possible. Why even look for something that's not possible?"

Of course Nick's words didn't help. "I love you, but I'm just not sure I'm in love with you." Dude, that's a load of bologna and you know it. Nick was most likely confusing lustful feelings with love. It is a choice to express love. It's more than just a feeling, and when those initial butterflies are gone, it's the choice you will have to rely on. "Ceasing to feel 'in love,'" as C.S. Lewis writes, "does not mean ceasing to love. . . 'Being in Love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep their promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it." It will be the selflessness of putting someone before yourself and caring more about them than your own desires that carries you through, with God's help. That is true love. Not some television relationship or hollywood romance.

My heart hurts for Raven, for those feeling this same pain. You, child of God, are loved infinitely more than you could ever know, by someone whose thoughts towards you are countless, like grains of sand. "But that's different," I know you're thinking it. "God can't give me physical comfort," and "He can't have conversations with me... " Sometimes God does speak to us through the community around us (this is why Christian community is so stinking important!). Our families, our brothers and sisters in Christ, and our mentors can give love and speak the very life you need.

  But let me lay some truth out here. If you cannot be satisfied in your creator, and comfortable on your own, you will never find true joy and satisfaction. How many of us have found ourselves asking the same things as Raven? I know I have.

  BUT GOD. . . is faithful. It. Is. Well. I think of the hymn, and remember, it really is well with my soul, through it all. My mentor and dear friend, Leslie, shared this hymn with me during a rough time I experienced after several life changing events last semester. This Sunday, God gave me the gentle reminder of His goodness when we sang this same song during service. I have said it before, and I'll say it again: I am an emotional human being. Naturally, I wept. God totally provided for me during my dry season, even when I didn't always realize it. I felt like I had lost everything; so much of my worth had been tied to worldly things. But when I stood in that sanctuary, I realized what an amazing community He had blessed me with. It took time to learn to be content, and I'm still learning. But I know that God will provide everything we need.

  My other thought as I consider Raven's words, is a phrase my youth pastor once shared with me: sometimes a break up can feel like a divorce without ever being married. When you invest so much in a relationship, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, you become connected to that person. Y'all, physical purity isn't just an outdated notion. It's not some stupid rule created by an overbearing parent. Your loving Father and Creator asks this of you 1. because he's the creator and deserves the glory, but 2. to protect you and because he loves you, he wants the very best for you.

  Oh Beloved, the term "fantasy suite" could not be further from the truth. God does not intend for us to feel the pain and emptiness experienced after giving away something so tender and beautiful, something meant to be experienced in the boundaries of marriage. It's meant to be good, but sin corrupts. I'm sure that Raven's pain was multiplied by the fact that she did share something with Nick that should only be shared with her husband.

  We are meant to be different than the world, not conform to it. It's not easy, I know. But in the end, it's worth it. Not just because we will find happiness because of it, but because it brings our creator glory. To be honest, whether or not you're happy doesn't matter. You can be happy and not have joy. Joy is not dependent on circumstances, and neither is contentment. Both of these will only come by having a relationship with the one who created you, not by sleeping with or even dating some hot girl or guy. So, stop waiting for the perfect bachelor(ette), and trust in God. It will be easier said than done, but He can handle your yearnings and struggles, trust me.