Forgiveness

 

    Forgiveness doesn't always come easy; it requires humility and grace. Our pride, on the other hand, can create major barriers in our life when it comes to healing and forgiveness. "Why should I humble myself and seek out the other party? They messed up, not me. How dare they do this to me?"

    Our society loves to support this mindset, encouraging us to get back at the other person, even when the other party may not have done anything to us, and our pain is caused by a perceived injustice. We are told to hurt them as much as they hurt us, to cut everyone else out of our lives and walk around with a chip in our shoulder. We choose to blame our brokenness and problems on another sinful and broken person. By doing this, we lose sight of our identity and where our healing comes from.

    Thankfully, we don't have to live our lives bound to the bitterness and pain. I've heard it said that a lack of forgiveness is like drinking poison to spite the person who hurt you; it does nothing to them and tears you up inside. A friend of mine recently spoke on forgiveness at our campus ministry and laid out several important points of wisdom and advice I think are worth sharing.

      So how do we forgive? We first need to recognize the hurt, just like when you physically hurt yourself, falling and breaking your leg or skinning your knee, you need to find the source of the pain and bleeding. There are many ways we can be hurt emotionally. I mentioned before the term "perceived injustice." Sometimes, our feelings are hurt by circumstances we form in our own mind. We hand over control of our emotions to another human, believing them to be slighting us, "throwing shade," or being petty, and we act in turn. Social media plays a major role in this, especially with our youth. I have watched so many in my youth ministry leave the church because of a lack of community. So much of our "community" is based on who is posting pictures with who, reducing the personal interaction that fulfills, and replaces it with a poor copy over a screen leaving the individual feeling alone and unloveable. So much disunity is created simply because of an inability to connect in reality. We have to realize that the actions of the party may not have been intentional, and even if it is, holding on to that will not bring healing.

    But sometimes, the injustice is more than just perceived. Sometimes we are deeply wounded by those we trust most in our lives. Sometimes we are abused by the very people meant to love and protect us. Forgiving them is hard. It helps to know that forgiveness does not mean that what happened is acceptable, but that we can still be made whole. Again, we have to recognize the injury, but we cannot hold onto it and wallow in it.

   Eventually, telling your story can be some of the best medicine. I've found that writing a letter to the person and burning it can be very therapeutic. Well, any writing or talking can help. Not in a slanderous way meant to tear down the other person (that's allowing your heart to continue to be ruled by bitterness), but just sharing the facts of your story. Not only will it help release a burden off of you, you may be able to connect with someone else carrying the same baggage.

Y'all, God is faithful through everything. Seeking wise counsel and the Word of God can help provide the help you need and allow the Holy Spirit to work on your own heart and help you reconcile. Shouldn't we also be willing to forgive others considering what Jesus has done for us? While we were still his enemies, he forfeited his life in order to save ours. We hated him and reviled what is good, choosing a life of sin and brokenness. But God loves us anyway, offering us grace because of who He is. A friend of mine reminded me of this tender quote, "Just because we don't understand why bad things happen doesn't mean we shouldn't seek God and the lesson He has for us."