How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

"I'm just trying to learn to be a content pringle. It's a lot like a single pringle. But really not ready to mingle. Just learning to wait on Jesus."

- Excerpt from conversations with my roommates

*Disclaimer: I do not suggest this post for young readers. This topic is intended for my peers (I would say for adults, but really, what is an adult anyway.)*

    Dating in our modern culture often feels like series of unfortunate events. Nobody is perfect, and that's okay. We get hurt, our hearts are tender, and we often seek approval and acceptance. But we should be wise about where we go to satisfy these desires. Sometimes, immaturity in this area can lead to mistakes in how we handle our relationships. This has been a common conversation with my roommates lately, and I figured I would share some of our advice on "what not to do in dating." I don't say this because I'm perfect or have dating down to a science. I've just made a lot of mistakes, and am lucky enough to have guy friends and brothers who are willing to open up to me on their opinions.

    1. Asking the guy out. Yeah I get it. You are a strong independent woman, and it's the twenty-first century. It's about time you are able to chase after what you want... Or is it? Girl. Let's be real about this, you are a gem, beautiful and wonderfully made. You are meant to be pursued in the way Christ pursues us. It is one thing to go to a bonfire with a group of friends, and invite a guy friend along that you may be interested in. It is a completely different animal to ask a guy to get dinner with you one-on-one. If you are the one who has to initiate the date/relationship, because the guy cannot recognize the gem that you are, is that really a relationship worth having?

      2. Clinginess. This doesn't mean you cannot occasionally initiate conversation, but don't bombard him either. It just might take him a little longer to build the courage to talk to you. Have patience, though. Spend time seeking the Lord and waiting on His timing, not yours. It is a great thing to have a life outside of the relationship with a guy. Maybe I am being harsh, and the Lord is still teaching me so much. My words are not the gospel truth, and I would definitely suggest pursuing His word and character for yourself.

     3. Being a flake. Alright, just like a coin, there are two sides to just about every issue I will bring up. Say what you mean and mean what you say. It's okay to be unsure about things but by not communicating your thoughts, you're making it a lot harder on him to work it out with you. This also means clearly defining intentions and expectations. You also cannot expect him to plan every date and know your every thought. "Communication is key to life, relationships, and ultimate frisbee." (Shout out to my best friend's coach for that one).

    4. Flirting with other guys to make him jealous. Y'all, I get pettiness. I do. But game playing is not only mean, it just shows a lack of maturity. You can be mysterious, make him work for you, and be kind.

     5. Changing yourself based on what you perceive his preferences to be. If your main desire is to be in a relationship, it will begin to impact all aspects of your life. I know you've seen this, if not in yourself, in your friends. You know, girl meets boy. Boy loves to hunt. Girl has been a vegan for the last year. All of a sudden she's all for hunting and eating venison. It may not be quite that extreme, and it may look different, manifesting in music choice, clothing, or even personality changes, such as sense of humor. I think of the movie 27 Dresses, when little sister Tess changes almost everything about her in order to win over the guy. That's not healthy, for you or the relationship. This does not mean you won't change as you date a person, but changing yourself in order to make them like you is where the problem lies.

     6. Compromising your standards. As Kevin Dunn would say, find yourself a spouse that loves Jesus, because if he don't pray, he ain't bae. This is a man who places quality alone time with God as a priority in his life, a man willing to put pursuing you on hold in order to seek a relationship with the Creator. There is something to be said about being unequally yoked, and dating a non-believer. You may think he's the greatest guy ever, but girl, if you are not both rooted in the word, the relationship will take a toll on you. Not to mention that if you are missionary dating (trying to bring him to Christ by nature of your relationship), you could cause him to harbor some resentment against you and against God.

     7. Confusing standards with preferences. Now don't get me wrong, there is a difference between standards and preferences. His ability to play a sport, the guitar, or whether he has green eyes or brown, are just preferences. God's best for you may not look anything like what you thought your best is. Which again comes down to what is forming your foundation in life. Is it a desire to be loved by a guy, or is it a desire for a personal relationship with your creator? Really, with any of these common mistakes, it comes down to discovering what the center of your attention is.

   8. Making a guy more important than God. This is about more than just acting in obedience to God. When you choose to date a non-believer, this is essentially what you are doing. I know we all have that rebel side of us, and we want to ask, "But why?" Why does it even matter, does it actually affect us? Well, let's think about it: consider the ways as Christians we are meant to live differently than the world. Living a pure life is extremely important, as I've discussed in my blog before. Purity will have different meanings for each of you, and will cause not only a rift between you and the guy, but also between you and Christ. Sin has a funny way of sneaking in, like a plant. A small seed of sin can grow into a major problem. Beyond that, if Christ is influencing every area of your life (as we are called to do), you will not see eye-to-eye on many topics with this guy, such as drinking, cursing, or even politics and what it means to be a family.

     9. Unrealistic expectations. The flip side of not having any standards, is having unrealistically high standards that you don't even meet. Some girls dream of a prince charming and expect nothing less than perfection out of a potential boyfriend. Are you walking daily with Christ? Are you looking for a guy to meet a checklist without double checking yourself? My eighth grade math teacher used to  tell us to "check ourselves before we wreck ourselves." You really may want to check the plank in your own eye before trying to the clean the speck out of another's eye.

    10. Acting overly insecure. Be confident in who you are. Stop putting guys in awkward situations by asking him if those jeans make your butt look big. Christianity is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking about yourself less. It is making much of who God is, and little of who you are. This lack of sound doctrine will impact your relationships.

   What takes up the majority of your time, your thoughts, your conversations? Is it guys, or a sport, or tv show, maybe even your phone? While talking to my friend the other night, he suggested that at times girls can be too concerned with relationships, and I am inclined to listen to his judgment. Life has so much to offer, why waste time on dudes when you could go see Africa, or jump out of an airplane. Maybe that's not your style, and that's okay. My point is, make the most of your singleness. Don't wish away the present. Now is our time to discover our identity, to be independent, free of anyone else and their needs or expectations. Live a little, my dear, and never forget to whom you belong.