An Excellent Wife

In college, I created this graphic of Proverbs 31, quoting, "She is clothed in strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future." I always thought Proverbs 31 was this standard and checklist for wives, and WOW have I realized I fall short of that. 

If marriage in this short span so far has taught me anything, I am far from enough to be everything for my husband. But that's not what my husband expects of me. I can, however, seek the wisdom of the Lord by reading scripture and prayerfully asking God for his guidance. Does that mean I'm successful in that every day? NO! But I'm learning. 

Sometimes, I do fear the future, I don't feel all that strong, and I'm so clumsy I feel far from dignified. I believe the lies that the military dictates our future, that I'm too weak to make the decisions and handle things, that I am going to constantly fail. 

In true military fashion, my husband and I had a matter of weeks together after our wedding before he was unexpectedly sent to training for several months. I often hear comments as many other military spouses do, "I don't know how you do it," "Well that's why I would never marry someone in the military," even the simple, "Where's your husband now?" 

My flesh immediately bristles at some of the comments, the constant questions I have no answer for. But a reframing of my perspective shows my community says these things out of care and love for my husband and myself. 

The truth is, God is sovereign over our future; even the military is not powerful enough to ruin God's will for our lives. God can use things like separation, suffering, and unknowns to draw us to him and sanctify us, make us more like his image. 

I hear people quote Jeremiah 29:11 and it's true that just as God had a will for the people of Israel, He also has a plan for us. But that plan for Israel included destruction and slavery, things that we probably wouldn't define as good. This doesn't mean God causes evil, in fact God is good and He never causes evil, but He will certainly use circumstances in our lives to bring Him glory and to grow us. 

Matthew 6:25-34 tells us not to worry about anything; God cares for the birds and the wildflower, and are we not much more valuable as His children? So I can laugh without fear of the future because I hold onto the truth that God is so much greater than anything I face. 

Also considering Proverbs 31, if we believe this author is Solomon and this wisdom literature refers to his mother, Bathsheba, it opens some interesting doors for analysis. I was listening to the Revive Our Hearts podcast with Nancy Leigh DeMoss, and she points out the beauty of God's redemption in this story. 

Bathsheba and King David's story is wrought with sin and tragedy, involving adultery and the murder of Bathsheba's husband. Yet, in this proverb, you see incredible wisdom and the ways of God. If God can redeem her story, he certainly can redeem yours. 

Hosea 6:3 tells us, "Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD; his going out is sure as the dawn; he will come to us as the showers, as the spring rains that water the earth." God is sure and steady, he will renew and come like spring rain.

Psalm 136 reminds us to "Give thanks to the lord for He is good, His steadfast love endures forever." Nancy also pointed out in her podcast that this refrain "His steadfast love endures forever" is repeated TWENTY-SIX times in this one chapter. So no matter what, I will give thanks and know God's love endures.

I replace the cascade of doubts with boulders of truth. I remind myself that God is good. God is sovereign. God has redeemed and rescued me. It's not about me or what I've done, and everything to do with the fact He is God.  

So, imperfectly, I will clothe myself not in my strength, but God's. I will seek to develop grit and pursue community, reminding myself that God will provide the grace sufficient for each day. I don't have to waste the days, watching endless countdowns until the day my husband returns. I can use the hours to develop friendships and pursue what God has for me in this season. We can be fully complete in Christ and laugh without fear of the future. I will still fail but God will still be just as good and just as sufficient.