A Series of Unfortunate Events: Satisfied

"I'm not in love, I'm just in love with the idea of love."

When I was in middle school, my dad's wife bought me this adorable sweater with the above quote on it. Laughably accurate, how many of us go through that boy crazy phase growing up? Or maybe still are in it?

Sometimes it feels like there is pressure, even as a young girl, to find this soulmate. At some churches, well-meaning adults ask about that boy they saw you sit next to in church. You know how it is, you sat together so you're, you know, "together." "When's the wedding?" they ask after the first month of dating. 

Most of the time it's just good-natured jokes, but unwittingly an expectation begins to form. You begin to believe a lie that you are somehow spiritually inferior if you are not yoked to another; somehow marriage is a higher level in the quest to pursue God. 

But if this is the case, what about Paul? The man who wrote so much of our New Testament was spiritually inferior to other married apostles just because he wasn't? I'm going to give that a resounding NO, my friend. 

Scripture tells us that singleness is in fact a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7, 7:32-35). This doesn't mean that your singleness will be easy, though. We do have a longing for intimacy; we were created for community. But the valuable lesson is to take the yearning we have and pursue God. 

Some of the sweetest moments I have had with God were the times of searing loneliness. I remember a friend of mine once saying she hated singleness because "God can't hug me like a guy can." While she's right, God can't physically hug us, time with God is a soothing balm to a hurting heart. 

What I found, and still am finding, when my mind wanders and my heart feels discontent, reciting scripture and poetry focuses me back on God. My favorite book, Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot, is full of wise quotes, verses and poems she held dearly in her time before her marriage to Jim Elliot.

"I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done." - Elisabeth Elliot

I wait on God and his timing. I can be content, because I know He is in control and has a plan. Regardless of if that plan holds marriage or singleness, the wedding day we really await is the day we meet Him face to face. Our mind becomes set on things above and not on things of this world. 

If we cannot find satisfaction in God during singleness, why should we expect to find satisfaction by spending life with another broken human? How unfair to expect someone to fill the hole only God can satisfy. This will lead only to heartbreak and conflict, constantly seeking contentment in things that leave you wanting. 

At the heart of the matter, we are idolizing a relationship status. We are placing the desire for marriage (a good desire even) above our desire for God. Regardless of your relationship status, you will not be satisfied if you are not finding your joy and identity in God first. 

My challenge, then, is that we really ask ourselves what is defining us. What things do you go to in order to fill yourself and find satisfaction? If the answer is anything at all other than God, you will find yourself constantly striving yet still feeling empty.