Loving A Soldier

My brother, Caleb, at the University of North Georgia. This week, he will commission into the National Guard as an Infantry Officer. He has also served as a combat engineer in the Georgia National Guard since 2015.

“I hear people saying we don’t need this war
I say there’s some things worth fighting for
What about our freedom and this piece of ground
We didn’t get to keep ’em by backing down
They say we don’t realize the mess we’re getting in
Before you start your preaching
Let me ask you this my friend, Have you forgotten how it felt that day
To see your homeland under fire” -Darryl Worley

Coming from a military family, I am often asked what it’s like to have family overseas, or to grow up with a dad in the Air Force. Having a boyfriend deployed in Afghanistan, my friends will often say, “Oh I could never, I’m not strong enough.”

But the thing is, you just do it.

February 2011, my big brother, Eric, celebrated his 21st birthday in the middle of a deployment to the Kunar Province of Afghanistan. I worried about him – feeling peeved that he made me watch Black Hawk Down before he left, telling me he jumps out of helicopters too.

As I hurried to get ready for school, a ninth grader at the time, my mom called me. Eric’s convoy, his vehicle specifically, was blown up by an IED (Improvised Explosive Device). I didn’t know if he was alive.

The next several weeks ticked by, crawling slower than a snail as we waited for any information we could grab.

“No news is good news,” my mom repeated, I’m not sure if more to herself or to the rest of us.

My brother is thriving now. He’s been in the service for 10 years, serving on his third deployment, and has a gorgeous family. Eric is my hero, and my whole life I wanted to make him proud and follow in his footsteps.

Loving a soldier is hard work. Some days you miss them a lot more than others. Sometimes they miss holidays, family gatherings, and major life moments. But, I remind myself, our country really is “The land of the FREE because of the BRAVE,” and I am indescribably proud of and thankful for the sacrifice my family members and friends make.

Then I met Jon. . . leading me to quickly realize dating someone overseas is not the same animal at all as watching a brother go off to serve.

A couple of weeks ago, I heard the familiar chime of my news app. Once again, there was an IED explosion near my loved one; the brief article informed me that several troops were dead, including one contractor.

The breath left my chest, and a million thoughts flooded my brain. I wanted to know, no, I needed to know, if my best friend was okay. Irrational thoughts began to balloon up, pushing every other thought in mind to the edges of my brain.

I reminded myself not to worry, that it was too soon and information so faulty, but fear blossomed anyway. Tears pricked angrily behind my eyes, and I was not sure how to even take another step.

Eventually, the whole story comes out. The initial article was wrong, the contractor didn’t die, and the soldiers were marines. I still hurt for the families and friends of those troops, and my own inner war wages as I also feel relief that it’s not my friend who isn’t coming home.

And that’s just one day. One moment. Out of the 6-18 months you’re without him. In order to exist in a healthy mental state, you find a way to overcome the daily fear that this day may be the one you find out he’s not coming home.

Honestly, it’s not usually that stressful. Most days, you forget where he is, that danger is out there. But when the sharp reminder jabs at you, it’s difficult to stay rooted in the truth.

I haven’t done this perfectly, and some days I struggle with missing my brothers, my friends, and my boyfriend.

But my God is bigger than any of this. He’s bigger than the politics, evil, death, and pain that are so intertwined with war. My God has already overcome death, and while this side of heaven is broken, I can rest knowing that there is far better to come. John 14 tells us Jesus is preparing a place for us, and he will return.

And so, I will love my soldiers. I will not trust in what this world has to offer, instead, I will pull from the well that never runs dry.

“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” –John 14:27