Saying Goodbye

I have debated whether or not I should write this, and even how to. My heart is broken. This weekend, amongst the sunshine and singing birds brought by the seemingly endless rain, my friend and brother in Christ was laid to rest.

The summer of 2013, I attended a church camp over the summer with my dad’s sister and her family. I didn’t know anyone on this trip besides my cousins, and I was nervous and honestly a little terrified.

That week, we had the typical youth camp “emotional worship night.” Feeling a little lost and alone, a motley crew of dudes welcomed me into their friend group, putting their arms around my shoulders as we worshipped our creator.

Through them, I discovered what it really meant to have brothers and sisters in Christ; I had been to church several times growing up, even to other youth camps. But that week I really understood grace for the first time, and I am thankful for that goofy group that welcomed me.

Shortly after camp, my dad’s sister and her husband became my guardians. Living in a brand new state my senior year of high school was painful and exciting at the same time. But, the same crew of boys continued to welcome me and helped me find my home in an unfamiliar place.

In college, I transferred to the University of North Georgia and joined the cadet corps. To my surprise, I discovered a member of that motley crew, Alex, joined too.

Alex and I went through FROG week together, the initial week of training. It’s a lot of fun, some hard work, and occasionally a little straining.

That whole semester, Alex lived across the hall from me. The goofy kid that first welcomed me to my new state was a constant clown in our company. Through the hard days of college and irritating commands, the “mandatory fun days,” and parades, Alex was a friend I could count on in that season.

We both left the corps, and lost touch for most of the next few years. I heard from our friends that he had been having a hard time, but I didn’t know how to help. I knew several of our friends were wrestling with mental health or addiction, and knowing the right steps is never easy.

In the christian community there is a lie that if you just work a little harder, things will get better. You just have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.

A related but equally dangerous lie, is that bad things happen because you left God’s presence, and if you return to him you’ll prosper and everything will be alright.

And you know, those are half-truths that sound almost right.

But sometimes, you can be completely committed to God, and struggles assail you. In 1 Thessalonians, Paul warns the church body they would face afflictions, sending Timothy to them that he would “establish and exhort you [Thessalonica] in your faith, that no one be moved from these afflictions.”

The thing is, you can repent and turn towards Christ, chasing full speed after him, and still get blindsided by the consequences of your past. In those moments, you can question the reality of the cross.

But that’s the beauty of godly community, others who encourage you, who see your weakness and the gaps in your armor, and build you up. You are not enough on your own. You’re not meant to be enough.

But God is. He is faithfully pursuing you, and provides the community you need. In Matthew 10, Jesus told his disciples, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.”

Seek the help you need, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual. It is not shameful to admit that you don’t have it together. It is not shameful to seek medical help for the things we can’t understand yet.

The bible is full of examples of this. Even King David had his fair share of struggles, yet God called him a man after his own heart. My pastor explained these times of strife as “crucible moments” or times that send you in a new direction.

Sometimes, you succeed and sometimes you fail. For example, David did defeat Goliath as he relied on God’s strength. But when David decided to stay home instead of going to war as a king should, he fell into temptation and sin with Bathsheba.

So how do you move forward from your crucible moments? It’s not your failures that define your story. Your story is defined instead by Christ and his relationship with you.

You are never alone. You are never too far gone for the grace of God. Our journeys are not a single moment of salvation, but a lifelong race full of mountaintops and valleys, of being continually renewed by Christ and shaped into a new creation.

Alex had his own struggles, but I celebrate knowing that this sweet friend has gone to be with his creator. His death feels like a crucible moment to those of us still here, but neither are we alone. We have a community and a God that loves us beyond understanding. It is now our turn to take the struggles we face and glorify God through it.