Nail Salons and Mud Pies

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” - C.S. Lewis

Last week, my little sister took me to get my nails done for the first time. When we walked in, the woman at the counter started asking several questions, and I felt bad because I couldn’t understand a word of what she was saying; I'm completely ignorant when it comes to this area. 

My sister came to my rescue and responded for me, explaining that I was getting them done like hers.

But then they separated us. 

It was that feeling of losing my mom in the grocery store as a kid, and I was a deer in the headlights.

The guy asks if I want long nails; I immediately say that I want short nails.

Then he asks, “Long nail cut short?”

“No, short nails.”

 I was really confused. My nails are already short, why would he cut them?

He started putting stuff on my nails and then attaching plastic to it. I had no idea what he was doing and I didn’t know how to stop it.

I wanted to get my nails painted. However, my definition of what that looked like, and what this artist thought it looked like, were completely different.

Have you ever been in a situation, a miscommunication occurs, and things snowball?

“Okay. So my way, with a little bit of your way,” were the words my sister used to sum up the sentiment.

So often, I see my friends settle in relationships like this. 

Why do we settle for unhealthy relationships? To be put down, caged, and made to feel worthless?

A lot of times we feel lonely and incomplete. There’s a void in our lives we desire to fill. Our self-esteem takes a hit and we lose sight of who we are.

But what does God tell us? What does the bible actually say about our worth?

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear,” 1 John tells us.

If you are in a relationship full of fear – fear of losing this person so great it pains you and brings various levels of anxiety, or fear for your own emotional, physical, or spiritual safety– perhaps there is something wrong.

It’s so easy to make excuses for these situations. You tell yourself it's not as bad as you think, or that  you are in love, so it’s okay.

Maybe your identity is dependent on this other person, without them you aren’t whole and happy.

This is not healthy. This is not love.

We are not meant to date like we are married. There are certain responsibilities and privileges that come with being married, and taking part in them outside of the covenant of marriage can cause major emotional and spiritual damage, whether you realize it or not. 

"Spending every waking moment with another human, romantic or not, cannot be sustained," a dear friend of mine reminded me. A fire burning too hot and too fast will fizzle out. There must be balance. You must have your own identity and your own joy.

This is not to say there is not pain that comes with the loss of a relationship. It’s natural to grieve that kind of loss. But there’s a fine line that must drawn.

It’s become a cliché, but the bible tells us that, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

We will not do all of these things perfectly. We cannot love perfectly because we are flawed.

But the way God loves us is perfect, because He is good and perfect.

If you haven’t heard the song Reckless Love by Cory Asbury, please give it a listen. I weep every time I hear it (okay yes I know, I'm emotional. It's who I am).

What gets me every time is a line that references a parable recounted in the Gospel of Matthew.

Matthew 18:12-13 says, “What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray.”

This is God’s love for us: taking action to chase us down, rejoicing when we come to Him.

We do absolutely nothing to earn this love. In fact, we continually run away, forget Him, and discount Him. 

Yet a love like God’s is satisfying in a way nothing else is. It’s different, as He is an invisible being, and it takes a little work to spend time getting to know Him. But it's richer and fuller.

It's very difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with another human until you fully experience and value the love of the One who created you and knows you more intimately than any other created being can. 

So my challenge for this week is to consider your own life, whether you are single or not. Are you complacent with mud pies or are you chasing after God and the holiday at sea?